I don't know, maybe I'm all of those...
Last week I hurt my back pretty bad doing deadlifts. I have been doing what I can to nurse it this week, but it still hurts. Well, it's that day again, and I'm going to do deadlifts again, knowing very well that my back isn't fully healed and that it still hurts to bend over certain ways...
Okay, you are probably thinking to yourself, "Man, what a freaking idiot." And you know what, I can't say I dont agree with you. Yeah, it's stupid, especially since your back is one of those things that you just don't want to screw with, because once it's messed up you are pretty well S.O.L. However, I've had such a boost in confidence and self worth since I got myself into shape that I don't want to lose what I've worked so hard for.
Back to one of my earlier posts...when I hit a hard patch last year, my whole world fell apart. And it did so for a long time...and since all of that has happened what I had worked so hard to acheive had slowly fallen apart. Well, I'm still paying for it, as I also took a whole month off from working out and had pretty well lost my "perfect" diet....
On one hand, it's deterring me; it's making it harder for me to want to keep at it, and on the other hand it makes me want to push myself that much harder. I look at the videos of the pros, and it gives me something to push for (well...as close to that as you can get naturally)...but since I've taken so many steps backwards, it makes me feel like I am failing, like I'm starting all over again...it makes me feel like I'm hopeless...
I don't want to lose it, but at the same time I almost feel like I already have...
*sigh* Back to the drawing board I suppose...
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