Okay, I know, pretty cheesy sounding title, but maybe as I go on you'll understand what I mean...
Looking back on when I first started, it feels like it was only yesterday... literally...though yesterday feels so far away...
I remember back before I lost the fat, before I got into some sort of "good shape"...I really didn't think too much about my day other than enjoying myself and enjoying my life (well, whatever I had that I called a life that is)... I would eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, I would go home and just game to my heart's desire, I did the things that, at the time, I thought were fun. What is sad, is more than anything, the fact that I have always felt that girls just never looked my way twice has made me want to push myself more and more to be better looking.
And now, here I am, a few years later and it seems that everything has to be in place, every single day, and if I even slip slightly it's frustrating. I have to eat at certain times, every day. It has to fit into what is "healthy" and "muscle building". If any fat shows up on me at all, I freak out and try to figure out what in the world I could have possibly done wrong when I haven't changed my diet at all. Every day is about going home and working out before I can do anything else, and then as soon as I get done working out I am back in the kitchen cooking up another meal to eat before I can relax.
Looking back, I kind of miss not having so many "obligations" during the day. I mean, yeah, I look better, sure, but when it comes down to it, but is it worth it? I don't even try to have any "fun" anymore really, and normally, after being at work for 9 hours a day and then working out as soon as I get off, I really don't even have any real time to relax...
What should I do...?
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